Brampton Sport
Local Sporting News
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Brampton has once again proudly romped home in first place in the National Aimless Gawping championships held recently in the idyllic surroundings of Slattock-on-Minge in Dumbfoundland. Thanks to the inspirationally vacant witless staring skills of local sporting hero Stewart "Groper" Manky (below), who faced stiff competition in the gruelling three day event, Brampton can continue to be proud of its hard earned reputation for inscrutable gormlessness. Needless to say, as ever, Stewart was wearing the famed 'lucky pants' that inspired him to his dramatic victory in the 1998 International Leering championships. ***** 
Stewart "Groper" Manky gawping for victory (action photo by Reg Snipe) |
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by Bugle sport correspondent Arthur Bint Photos by Reg Snipe  "Masher" Thorsen welcomes the away team Brampton 1 : Sendale 23 Brampton were very unlucky to lose this match, they were by far the best team on the day. Although still battered and bruised after last week's friendly with Boythorpe they put on a blistering performance, a lot of cut and thrust, though unfortunately not with the ball. A lot of unfair decisions made by the referee spoilt an excellent game; Brampton's Big Bill "Masher" Thorsen (above) was nearly sent off for kneeing the opposition striker in the groin, but after he had a few quiet words and gestures with the referee, Bill was only shown the yellow card and the game continued. Half time was the normal 2 hour break whilst the teams rested and refreshed themselves in a boisterous manner at the bar with a score of Brampton 0, Sendale 23. The second half continued with Sendale never crossing the centre line and looking worried. The only goal in this half was scored by "Masher" with one mighty kick, which knocked the goalkeeper over the line with the ball still in his hands. The referee didn't seem to notice anything, only that the ball was at the back of the net, so a goal was given. Finally, the parking ticket placed on the Sendale coach by traffic warden and Brampton winger Nick Dutton after the game was justly deserved. Penalties: 23 Attendance: 18 |
 Dean Brute The Brampton Brawlers football team announced a new signing this week with Dean Brute (38), formally of the infamous Shirebrook Slashers team. Currently employed at the local abattoir, Brute was released from a stretch in prison only a few weeks ago having served 8 years for robbery with violence. He always claimed the sentence was unfair as he was innocent of the crime and was only looking after the money and weapons for a friend. Brampton's team captain, Big Bill "Masher" Thorsen, told our sports correspondent; "Brute is just the sort of player we need in the team at the moment; six feet seven inches tall and weighs nineteen stones. He may have been criticised in the past for his use of weaponry on the pitch, but in Brampton it's the only way to last a full season." This week also brings good news for spectators at the Brampton ground; due to falling attendance figures in recent years, a barbed wire safety fence is to be erected around the perimeter of the pitch to protect innocent sporting enthusiasts from the team members. It should now be possible for the whole family to watch all the carnage of a game in complete safety. |
